The Little Things
by LittleKnux2008
Summary: It's always the little things that count the most. [Siege, Part II AU tag. Elizabeth and Rodney mourn the casualties of the Wraith invasion.]


**Author's Note: **While searching through my computer for another file, I stumbled across this little ficlet. It was written during the hiatus between Part 2 and Part 3 of "The Siege", so it's a bit of an AU. It never turned out how I wanted it to, but as the bunnies have left and it's completed, I thought I might as well post it. :) Hope you enjoy!  
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Spoilers: **Up to and including "The Siege, Part II."

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_The Little Things_

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A soft sob escaped Elizabeth Weir's lips as she buried her head in her arms. She was standing on the balcony outside of her office, her arms folded over the banister. _'I thought I had it all under control…' _Elizabeth thought, losing the battle to keep her tears at bay. The siege was over, the bittersweet celebration held nights ago. Today was the first day that Atlantis had returned to 'normal' operations. The day had gone quite smoothly. There was a gloom that weighed heavily in the atmosphere of the city, but things had been going fine until a few minutes ago.

She didn't know what happened. One minute she was standing in the control room, watching a wormhole being established from another world, and the next, she was out here, dissolved to tears. When she was standing there, she heard something…or the lack thereof. Reflexively, she had been waiting for Peter Grodin to announce that a wormhole had been established…but it never came. Her eyes had fallen on his chair, only to see it occupied by someone else. Her chest had tightened inexplicably. After receiving the code from one of the teams, she ordered the shield to be lowered, and fled to the balcony. Somewhere along that route, tears had begun to build in her eyes.

Everything seemed okay. Elizabeth had been so sure that she had accepted Peter's death but apparently that wasn't so. There was no way to explain the hollow hole within her. She hadn't known Peter Grodin nearly as well as she should have, but yet…she missed him terribly. She missed them all. The fact was, in that moment, Peter had symbolized all of the ones who had fallen in the Wraith attack.

It was hard, missing them so. But it was even harder knowing that there was nothing you could do to bring them back; that you would never stop missing them. It was the little things, Elizabeth had realized, that began to kill you. You would suddenly realize that something was missing, and that it would never come back. What was that old saying? You never know what you have until it's gone.

Elizabeth lifted her head, wrapping her arms around her waist, watching the sunset silently. As she did so, she recalled something she had heard at the funeral of a dear friend involved in a car accident. Tears, the pastor had said at the gravesite, are selfish. We cry because we will never see them again, because we will miss them. At the time, Elizabeth had agreed with it, but now she realized there was more to it. Everyone who had died here…they all had a future. They had lives ahead of them – especially Aiden. She closed her eyes tightly for a long moment. Atlantis teams had been searching and searching for Teyla and Aiden, but they hadn't found them yet. _'Presumed dead…' _Elizabeth thought, moving her hand to clutch the railing.

Were all of these deaths worth it? Perhaps if they set the self-destruct and fled to another planet… Elizabeth shook her head, cutting off her stream of thought. _No_. Radek had said that the self-destruct could not destroy everything. This was the only way to protect Earth. She sighed, a numbness coming over her. She accepted their deaths, perhaps…but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Elizabeth…" Rodney McKay's voice startled her. She turned her head to see him standing nearly beside her, concerned look on his face. So caught up in her thoughts, she hadn't heard him approach. Elizabeth turned her eyes toward the sunset once more, sighing softly. She was glad it was Rodney, and not someone else for whom she'd have to fake strength. Rodney stepped up beside her, resting his forearms on the banister, watching the colors stream across the sky. There was a long, comfortable silence between the two before Elizabeth spoke.

"I miss Peter…" she said, her voice cracking, "I miss them all…" Rodney was silent as he glanced over at her.

"Me too," he whispered gently, before ducking his head. Elizabeth suddenly felt guilty for bringing Peter up. Rodney… She glanced at him, concern in her eyes. As hurt as she was by Peter's death, she couldn't begin to imagine what pain Rodney was going through. Elizabeth knew Rodney was blaming himself for Peter's death – and she didn't dare tell him that he wasn't responsible. She knew him far too well for that. He would nod, and tell her he knew…but inwardly, it would do nothing. Ultimately, Rodney had to come to that conclusion himself.

"Do you think…do you think we'll find Teyla and Ford?" Elizabeth asked, changing the subject, knowing instinctively that Rodney wasn't yet ready to talk about Peter's death. She closed her eyes briefly, painfully recalling the haunted tone of voice as he spoke those fateful words. _'Elizabeth,' he paused, unable to continue for a moment. 'Peter Grodin was aboard the satellite.'_ Elizabeth snuck a glance at Rodney. She had never heard his voice betray so much hurt before. Though she hoped she'd never hear that tone in his voice again, she knew that it would come again someday.

Rodney stared out at the waters, thinking in silence for a few moments. "I don't know," he said finally. Elizabeth was a diplomat – she knew blatant lies when she saw them and he intended not to give her one; refraining from telling her that they _would_ find them. Countless people had been vehement that they would find the two…but they couldn't know. No one knew. "They were abducted by the Wraith. The Hive Ships were all destroyed. If they were onboard one…" he trailed off, his own feelings not allowing him to say that the probability of Teyla and Ford being on a Hive Ship was large, far too large. Rodney's fingers curled around the railing. But still, his mind traveled back to Peter Grodin. _'I'm sorry...' _Peter had _nothing _to be sorry for. If anyone did, it was Rodney. He should have known; should have compensated…but he didn't, and Peter Grodin was dead because of his stupidity.

Elizabeth frowned lightly, seeing the sad, angry expression befalling Rodney's face. Slowly, she reached over and intertwined her fingers with his, squeezing his hand tightly. After all, he had always been there for him. The least she could do was the same.


End file.
